June 24 – Me, the fish, and the sea: What will you be building when you have to go? 

Lately I’ve been feeling like I have no purpose or sense of individuality, while also struggling to understand an identity that is broken into so many pieces, I’m not sure they’re from the same puzzle. There’s this thing that we call “destination addiction”, the false hope that happiness lies within the next job, the next romantic relationship, the next town. Anywhere but here, and anyone but who we presently are. There isn’t a single person in the history of existence to the present day that is exactly the same as you. We are one of a kind from the moment we are thought of, and it makes me wonder what inside ourselves presses for us to wish we were someone or somewhere else. What radical foolishness. I’m guilty, too.   Continue reading “June 24 – Me, the fish, and the sea: What will you be building when you have to go? “

May 4 – An abundance of almost sappy sounds

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I feel I have come upon an infancy to which I am experiencing for the first time; learning about people and places, how to do things and, most importantly, how not to do things. In which way do we go about our lives as oneself when the influence of temporary environment is strenuously hefty? Maybe I am acknowledging this weight for the first time, or maybe I am finally recognizing this as something that is heavy. Our space, the people we interact with, and the activities we partake in are all things that contribute to our spectrum of needs when it comes to our well-being. Sometimes we don’t pay as much attention to this spectrum and other times we hold hands with it a little too tightly. Finding a happy medium is exhausting. Continue reading “May 4 – An abundance of almost sappy sounds”

Feb. 19 – A gentle reminder to question everything

Over the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve had multiple conversations with others and myself regarding various topics, large and small, about life and how to live, autonomy, attitude and understanding, perspective and belief. When looking at these topics from afar, some initial thoughts are that these topics are incredibly large. And, sure, they are. But not so that we can’t talk of them simply on a daily basis, so I don’t understand why we don’t speak of them more often.
Anyway, I’ve been having these conversations, and yesterday it came to my realization that I’ve been speaking of these so loosely and casually that I’ve become very comfortable with them, in such a way that I prefer to discuss these topics instead of, say, the fucking weather.

Continue reading “Feb. 19 – A gentle reminder to question everything”

Jan. 15 – Outcomes are infinite

tumblr_o0k3w0ySuw1tkgxrmo1_1280Red Maple Bust, 2015 – Ryan McGinley

 

Today I feel powerful.
I feel divine. I am strong.
I feel like I can do and achieve anything.
Because I can.

The truth of it is that I can accomplish anything I set my mind, soul and body out to do. When authoritative figures tell you this at a young age it doesn’t carry much volume. We’re too interested in the happenings around us to realize or acknowledge our own potential.
But when you stop and really process your environment, the Earth, and the truth in the fact that this planet is at your fingertips, our eyes tend to bulge out of our head and our hearts begin to beat with newfound purpose and understanding.

Sometimes this moment comes to us in waves, and sometimes this moment comes to us all at once.
When this moment does come, however often or far between, embrace it. Let it fill your body and warm your toes up to your cheeks. Even if only for a moment, it will be bright and changing.

Jan. 6 – Slip into your skin and stay a while

Selfish: devoted to or caring only for oneself;concern primarily with ones own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others

I feel we often don’t credit enough to those with the ability to confidently claim selfishness. Selfishness has this red tape labelled “Bad” across its chest, but I feel that sometimes we need to breathe this in in order to fully take care of ourselves.
You can be and claim selfishness without letting it consume you.

I am a good person.
My intentions are pure.
This I am confident in.

Am I a selfish person? Not enough in regards to myself. If I were, though, is this a bad thing? Well, that depends on to what use I give my selfishness.

I need to look at the bigger view and widen my vision, my perspective.

In order to take care of ourselves
we must lessen our shame in doing so.

Dec. 21 – This shit get’s old

“Very nearly,
All but,”
The dictionary describes this as “almost”, but lately I’ve described it as the way I receive –
Almost full,
Almost healthy,
Almost tumor-free.
The way I receive is purely the way I perceive what I’ve been given, but frankly my attitude is shit,
And my gratitude is almost sufficient to how thankful I should be.

My experience with life is what I take from the world, and I will always hold the power to change my perception, but perhaps I like to sit in my own self-pity for far too long.
I think we are all guilty of doing this at some point in our life.
Some more than others.
I more than others.
There’s a warm and strange ooze that’s almost comfortable in a lack of self-care, something that we often welcome too easily.
Why?
Just that – it’s easy.
Admit it, not taking care of yourself is so goddamn easy, I bet you do it all the time.
I do.
Admitting it is also easy.
Doing something about it, that’s the hard part.

So git ‘er done.

{Written on December 9th, 2015 – 2:39pm}

Dec. 14 -Maybe try a different wine

I feel it a difficult concept to grasp when beginning to understand that I am not the same person I was two weeks ago, a month ago, 5 minutes ago. I also find this a difficult conversation to have, and a very trying subject to describe. Or maybe I’m just absolutely terrible at articulating my thoughts. It’s probably a mixture of both, but this, too, I find changes continuously. Time is measurable but the way we use our time, I feel, is not. This changes. Nothing stays the same, as much as I’d like it to. We feed off of change, survive on it. But we despise a change that we haven’t yet agreed to. We envy or fill with hatred for a change we cannot control.  Continue reading “Dec. 14 -Maybe try a different wine”