I am in a transitionary state of feeling completely deciduous. I am not ready, but there are parts of me that need to be moving forward, bits of me that want to. I have been thinking of amicability toward myself and the act of reconciling past perceptions of myself that have somehow managed to carry through and grow with the other parts of me, and I am wondering how to go about the beginning of a process that may take an amount of time to which I cannot keep up with. Autumn has brought along with it a new measurement of time characterized by the lengths of “just for a while” to “in a little bit” or even “maybe tomorrow”.
I am coming to find this is something that cannot be taught or passed down, but must be learned purely through experience. If I am to do something I typically do it the hard way, not usually by choice, but I never seem to learn as much if things end up easy. How do you measure the time it takes to grow when you are not sure what you need to do so?
Everything feels like the motion of fast-forward and I am having trouble keeping up with yesterday, let alone worrying about tomorrow. I feel so scrambled that I am having a hard time feeling anything at all or everything all at once. The definition of “zero to one hundred” seems to be at the front of my dictionary and I have an app for that, so accessibility is not an issue here. When your brain is running in slow motion then maybe it is for the best that your body leads. This is all temporary, at least just for a while.